Raise The Level Of Conversation Within Your Group

Listen to the conversations around you. Do you hear your colleagues and team members talking about what’s possible, or are they complaining about the past? Are conversations moving people forward or are they bringing people down? Do people support each other or gossip? Here are eight practices to raise your conversations within your team.

Get present. Noise and distraction are everywhere. If you can maintain the discipline of really listening to what the other person is saying you will stand out. The other person senses your energy and magnetism even if they can’t put their finger on it. Stop looking at your phone or computer when you are engaged in conversation.
State your intention. Know your intention before an interaction to avoid getting distracted. For example, “My intention for this conversation is to make sure we are on the same page,” is a better direction than shooting from the hip and talking about all the things that aren’t working. Setting an intention requires you to let go of the seduction of blame. Intention guides your thoughts and helps you focus on future outcomes versus past mistakes.
Stop playing verbal ping-pong. It’s easy to fall into a black hole about who is right, who is wrong, and what’s not fair. These communication habits indicate the tendency to get distracted. Stop taking the bait and you’ll elevate the conversation. Become aware of your triggers. Triggers often include the need to change or fix someone else, the need to be understood or the need to prove a point. Instead, work from your intention and then redirect the conversation.
Become curious. When someone rubs you the wrong way, it’s easy to engage in drama. For example, if you work with someone who is always sarcastic, you try to one-up them the next time. This kind of conversation spirals down. Don’t let anger take over. Take a breath and instead of reacting and respond thoughtfully.
Stop defending. Criticism makes you want to punch back. Instead, take a breath. Don’t worry about being a doormat or allowing bullying behavior. There’s time to defend later if you find it necessary. Very often, when the other person feels understood, they become more balanced and more reasonable. Once you have listened, then you can strategize about your next steps.
Address the elephant in the room. Do you sometimes instead of initiating a conversation to seek change, you avoid the uncomfortable feelings. Feeling uncomfortable is a sign that there’s something that needs to be addressed. Don’t blame or accuse. Instead, highlight the observable behavior. Remain curious and then ask for the behavior change you want.
Stop complaining. Make a commitment to stop complaining. You have to lead by example. Your next step as a leader is to help others shift their complaints into positive requests. Ask yourself, “What is the opposite of the complaint?” This gives you a clue as to what is desired. Turn negative complaints into positive requests. Rather than saying “We always argue, and I’m tired of arguing,” say instead, “I want us to come to an agreement."
Redirect the conversation. When the conversation goes south, it’s time to redirect and course-correct. Redirecting is the skill you need for practice. Notice the urge to engage in nonproductive dialogue. Next, acknowledge the other person who wants to get you off track. For example, “No, it probably isn’t fair, but what we are talking about is…“

When you elevate your conversations, you become a more effective leader, increase productivity and you get different results. If you find yourself getting pulled into ping pong, distractions and drama remember this: The one with clarity always navigates the ship.

--Adapted from smartbrief.com

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